Highlights Of My Week
It never ceases to amaze me when grown men and women who have seemingly worked other jobs and, I assume, have participated in other interviews, do not know how to act when shut in a room with someone they are hoping to impress enough to hire them.
Yes, people get nervous and don't always give the best glimpse of their personality - I'm not talking about nerves. Some people simply choke when they get into an interview, but a good interviewer can discern the difference between nerves vs. stupidity. I'm talking about astronomical stupidity.
I was so amused with this round of interviews, I thought I would end my week with a little re-run of the "highlights". I call this piece,
In two days, I interviewed 14 people. 9 out of 14 applicants did or said something ridiculous enough to make me walk out of my office and hand their resume to my secretary (she types the rejection letters) before they made it out the door.
Applicant #1: 50+ YO Female.
Woman walks in...shakes my hand and introduces herself....pulls out TWO chairs from the table...kicks off her shoes and says, "Whoooooooooo! My dogs are barking! (sits in one chair - puts feet up on the other) I've been at the mall all morning shopping for underwear. I've got to get these shoes off!"
(Believe it or not, this is not the first time I've had someone put their feet up during an interview.)
Applicant #2: 26 YO Female.
Appears to be about 11 months pregnant. Brought her 3 other children to the interview with coloring books and asks if I mind if she leaves them in the lobby. "They won't be any trouble, they're really quiet kids". (FTR: I did not allow her to leave them in the lobby, but asked my secretary to "babysit") After telling me she's 6 months pregnant, she said, "I usually only take off 2 weeks to have a baby and I have really good child care, so you don't have to worry about me taking off work too much".
(Yes....I can see that your childcare situation is excellent!)
Applicant #3: 50+ YO Male.
Q: If you had to choose one outstanding quality that you have, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?
A: I am a very, VERY patient man.
Q: How about a shortcoming?
A. Sometimes I have anger issues.
(Would that be BEFORE or AFTER your saintly patience?)
Applicant #4: 30+ YO Female.
Q: Why do you want to leave your current job?
A. Because there's a company policy against sleeping with your boss, so one of us has to get a new job. Since he makes more money than I do, it has to be me.
Applicant #5: 25ish Female.
Q: What DON'T you like about your current job?
A. If I tell you, do you promise not to tell my boss?
(My Response: Of course.)
A: My boss is the BIGGEST BITCH! She's so jealous of me because I'm prettier than her so she makes me do all the shit jobs. Female bosses are such BITCHES!
(Of course, this person would be answerable to me if she were to be hired....and she was aware of that.)
Applicant #6: 40+ Female.
Q: What type of co-worker do you find the most difficult to work with?
A. People who bother me first thing in the morning. I just have to wake up, you know? I'm usually fine by about 10:00, but before then I like to be left alone.
Applicant #7: 25ish Female.
Two questions into the interview she asked to be excused to use the ladies room so that she could, "...take off my pantyhose - they're driving me CRAZY!"
Was I supposed to say "NO"?
Applicant #8: 30+ Female.
This woman was VERY qualified and interviewed very well. I had but one dilemma, so I came right out and asked her...
Q: How do you feel about removing your tongue ring during working hours?
A. (as she swiftly got up and headed for the door) F*** YOU!!!
(I took that as a "NO")
And the most memorable of the day...
Applicant #9: 50+ Male.
This guy had a tremendously creepy presence from the moment he walked through the door, so I rushed through the questions in hopes of getting him out quickly. I almost skipped the following question, but I love the answers I get, so I went ahead with it.
Q: If education and experience were irrelevant and you could wake up tomorrow and just BE **insert dream job here** What would you be?
(After looking at me over the top of his glasses for about 20 seconds with a creepy grin...he finally answered)
A. I would be you. I really like your hair.
Alrighty then....We'll get back to ya!!