A little something for the girls...
This is sooo not political but it definitely falls into the "politically incorrect" category - so it suits this blog well.
For those of you with pc ears - turn the page. For those of you who may be offended by a 30something female having a little rant about men - plug your ears and don't come crying to me if you don't.
In fact, men of any age should probably just go back to what you were doing before you came to this site because you may not like what you are about to read. With the exception of my buddy, "DCS", who may possibly be able to shed some light on this subject and hopefully...give the conservative gals a little hope.
Before I'm accused of being a "man basher" - let's get one thing straight...I am not a feminist. I do not believe it's o.k. for women to "bash" men, but men can't do the same to women. I will be the first to admit that I have not been held back financially, politically or emotionally by men and anyone who says they have are either a self-induced victim or a liar and they need to move their hearts and minds into the 21st century and get with the program.
Ok, so that's the first politically incorrect thing I have to say....and here's the next...
Boys are dumb.
There...I said it! At some point while I wasn't looking - the tides turned and all of the rules of communication between single men and women changed. I've been divorced for almost 11 years. I didn't immediately re-enter the dating scene, so I'm guessing some time during that down time things got all messed up. I have no idea how I am supposed to act or what I'm supposed to do, but I do know that men have it all wrong!
For instance (this is where you come in DCS - perhaps you can answer a few questions for me)...
When did it become a woman's responsibility to make the first move? Recently, while I attended a friend's engagement party, I learned that a great guy I have known for a while had been interested in me and was "dying to take me out" for TWO YEARS! He never asked me out because he didn't think I was interested in him. This guy never showed me the slightest bit of interest and, for the record, is a wonderful man and what most women would call a "good catch". Of course, by the time I knew anything about it I was at HIS engagement party. What the heck? I wasn't dating anyone....we socialized in the same circles...and none of our friends ever indicated that there may be even a hint of interest on his part.
All of that begs the second question - what ever happened to pursuing a woman? I'm not talking about the second you meet her...that's just creepy and smells like stalking. I'm talking about showing a little interest. When I was a younger woman, if a guy liked me he'd usually chase me like I'd stolen his sneakers. Now, the men I meet want ME to pursue THEM. What the heck? I don't call men. I don't!! But I'm being told that these days, if I am interested in a man - I am the one who has to do the pursuing. Are you kidding me?
And when, exactly, did men become afraid of strong conservative women with a back bone? I've worked very hard to have a successful career, build a good life for my family and live a well-adjusted life. How is that intimidating? I don't get it!
Last weekend, I had lunch with a very good friend of mine and her brother. My friend is 32 years old. She is incredibly successful in every aspect of her life. She lives a great life, is very intelligent, absolutely stunning, has impeccable taste and is a very loyal, honest and faithful friend. I can only liken her personality to a 120 watt bulb. She's great!
The conversation at lunch was centered around my friend's upcoming date with a very nice guy she had met through her job. Her brother, a 35 year-old single guy, offered this advice (my responses follow his advice):
This was a ludicrous suggestion to me. It's not that I think a girl should wear an RNC t-shirt on her first date - but here's how I look at it: If I am unable to tell, just by speaking with someone (which is unusual), whether or not they are a liberal...I am going to come right out and ask! If they're a liberal...they aren't for me....and if they aren't for me...I've wasted a Saturday night. Time is precious to me - I don't like to waste it.
Ok, if someone asks me if they can take me to dinner...they're paying for it. When I ask someone out to dinner...I pay for it. It seems pretty simple.
WHAT?? When did that rule change?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What else is there? My friend doesn't have any children, but I suppose that topic would be a deal breaker as well, since it was also suggested that she not "go on too much" about her dog. So...the verdict was that anything you might want to know about someone or may want them to know about you is completely OFF LIMITS to discuss on a first date - and possibly the second, depending on how the first encounter goes.
This, of course, begged the questions....what IS allowed?
...I'm not kidding girls...this is what we have to work with.
Now that I know a modern man's capacity for conversation via these nifty new rules - I can come to no other conclusion than that BOYS ARE DUMB!
I hate to say it because it makes me sad - but chivalry really is dead. I haven't met a man in "I don't know when" who opened a door for me... exhibited actions or attitude that indicated that he holds women in high esteem...or even acted like a real man in the presence of a woman.
Case in point - my last date was a lunch date with an attorney who has an air of confidence that borders on arrogance. I had already established that he was a moron by the time our lunch was half-eaten (right about the time he told me he would vote for Hillary Clinton if she ran for President), but he proved the obvious while we walked across a park on our way back to our vehicles.
A sheriff's deputy was in the park walking with a police dog. When the deputy was approximately 10 yards away from us, he let the dog off his leash at which point the dog darted toward us...not barking...not growling...just running (I later learned the dog was still in "training" and had some behavioral problems). In a move that still makes me nauseous, when the moron saw the dog running toward us...he ducked behind me and grabbed both my arms as if to hold me in front of him like a human shield.
If only I had known about the music, sports and technology rule...perhaps he would have grabbed a white-haired old lady instead.
I'll wrap this up before I begin to sound like a bitter divorced woman...but before I do, please allow me to make a declaration on behalf of all the good, decent, conservative women out there.
May it forevermore be known that...
Guys....REAL women want to be pursued. Women want you to call them. Women want you to at least OFFER to pay for dinner. Women like to hear about your life and they like to talk about their own life. Women would like you to open the door....and let THEM walk through it first. Women like flowers, love notes and attention and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with voicing your conservative views early on...if the woman is a conservative - she'll be glad to hear it - and if she's not...you can't take her home to mama anyway.
Take it from a mom!
For those of you with pc ears - turn the page. For those of you who may be offended by a 30something female having a little rant about men - plug your ears and don't come crying to me if you don't.
In fact, men of any age should probably just go back to what you were doing before you came to this site because you may not like what you are about to read. With the exception of my buddy, "DCS", who may possibly be able to shed some light on this subject and hopefully...give the conservative gals a little hope.
Before I'm accused of being a "man basher" - let's get one thing straight...I am not a feminist. I do not believe it's o.k. for women to "bash" men, but men can't do the same to women. I will be the first to admit that I have not been held back financially, politically or emotionally by men and anyone who says they have are either a self-induced victim or a liar and they need to move their hearts and minds into the 21st century and get with the program.
Ok, so that's the first politically incorrect thing I have to say....and here's the next...
Boys are dumb.
There...I said it! At some point while I wasn't looking - the tides turned and all of the rules of communication between single men and women changed. I've been divorced for almost 11 years. I didn't immediately re-enter the dating scene, so I'm guessing some time during that down time things got all messed up. I have no idea how I am supposed to act or what I'm supposed to do, but I do know that men have it all wrong!
For instance (this is where you come in DCS - perhaps you can answer a few questions for me)...
When did it become a woman's responsibility to make the first move? Recently, while I attended a friend's engagement party, I learned that a great guy I have known for a while had been interested in me and was "dying to take me out" for TWO YEARS! He never asked me out because he didn't think I was interested in him. This guy never showed me the slightest bit of interest and, for the record, is a wonderful man and what most women would call a "good catch". Of course, by the time I knew anything about it I was at HIS engagement party. What the heck? I wasn't dating anyone....we socialized in the same circles...and none of our friends ever indicated that there may be even a hint of interest on his part.
All of that begs the second question - what ever happened to pursuing a woman? I'm not talking about the second you meet her...that's just creepy and smells like stalking. I'm talking about showing a little interest. When I was a younger woman, if a guy liked me he'd usually chase me like I'd stolen his sneakers. Now, the men I meet want ME to pursue THEM. What the heck? I don't call men. I don't!! But I'm being told that these days, if I am interested in a man - I am the one who has to do the pursuing. Are you kidding me?
And when, exactly, did men become afraid of strong conservative women with a back bone? I've worked very hard to have a successful career, build a good life for my family and live a well-adjusted life. How is that intimidating? I don't get it!
Last weekend, I had lunch with a very good friend of mine and her brother. My friend is 32 years old. She is incredibly successful in every aspect of her life. She lives a great life, is very intelligent, absolutely stunning, has impeccable taste and is a very loyal, honest and faithful friend. I can only liken her personality to a 120 watt bulb. She's great!
The conversation at lunch was centered around my friend's upcoming date with a very nice guy she had met through her job. Her brother, a 35 year-old single guy, offered this advice (my responses follow his advice):
1. Don't whip out the politics too soon - in other words, don't tell him you're a conservative right away.
This was a ludicrous suggestion to me. It's not that I think a girl should wear an RNC t-shirt on her first date - but here's how I look at it: If I am unable to tell, just by speaking with someone (which is unusual), whether or not they are a liberal...I am going to come right out and ask! If they're a liberal...they aren't for me....and if they aren't for me...I've wasted a Saturday night. Time is precious to me - I don't like to waste it.
2. Buy your own dinner.
Ok, if someone asks me if they can take me to dinner...they're paying for it. When I ask someone out to dinner...I pay for it. It seems pretty simple.
3. If you like him...call him the next day. Don't wait for him to call you.
WHAT?? When did that rule change?
4. Don't ask him whether he's ever been married, whether or not he has children, anything about his career and what ever you do - don't talk about your career...you're way too successful and that might be intimidating.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What else is there? My friend doesn't have any children, but I suppose that topic would be a deal breaker as well, since it was also suggested that she not "go on too much" about her dog. So...the verdict was that anything you might want to know about someone or may want them to know about you is completely OFF LIMITS to discuss on a first date - and possibly the second, depending on how the first encounter goes.
This, of course, begged the questions....what IS allowed?
5. The only "safe" conversation is as follows:
A. Music
B. Sports
C. Technology
...I'm not kidding girls...this is what we have to work with.
Now that I know a modern man's capacity for conversation via these nifty new rules - I can come to no other conclusion than that BOYS ARE DUMB!
I hate to say it because it makes me sad - but chivalry really is dead. I haven't met a man in "I don't know when" who opened a door for me... exhibited actions or attitude that indicated that he holds women in high esteem...or even acted like a real man in the presence of a woman.
Case in point - my last date was a lunch date with an attorney who has an air of confidence that borders on arrogance. I had already established that he was a moron by the time our lunch was half-eaten (right about the time he told me he would vote for Hillary Clinton if she ran for President), but he proved the obvious while we walked across a park on our way back to our vehicles.
A sheriff's deputy was in the park walking with a police dog. When the deputy was approximately 10 yards away from us, he let the dog off his leash at which point the dog darted toward us...not barking...not growling...just running (I later learned the dog was still in "training" and had some behavioral problems). In a move that still makes me nauseous, when the moron saw the dog running toward us...he ducked behind me and grabbed both my arms as if to hold me in front of him like a human shield.
If only I had known about the music, sports and technology rule...perhaps he would have grabbed a white-haired old lady instead.
I'll wrap this up before I begin to sound like a bitter divorced woman...but before I do, please allow me to make a declaration on behalf of all the good, decent, conservative women out there.
May it forevermore be known that...
Guys....REAL women want to be pursued. Women want you to call them. Women want you to at least OFFER to pay for dinner. Women like to hear about your life and they like to talk about their own life. Women would like you to open the door....and let THEM walk through it first. Women like flowers, love notes and attention and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with voicing your conservative views early on...if the woman is a conservative - she'll be glad to hear it - and if she's not...you can't take her home to mama anyway.
Take it from a mom!
posted by P.I. Mom @ Wednesday, August 16, 2006
6 Comments:
At 1:11 PM, August 17, 2006,
Disgruntled Car Salesman said…
1. If I ask a woman out, I pay for dinner/lunch/drinks/whatever. I asked her out, it is my treat. If a women offers to pay for half, I will refuse her money at least 3 times(it depends on how insistent she is/how well the date is going).
2. Typically, I will pursue a girl, but only to a point. I am pretty jaded with the dating scene, and at 24, I realize that's pretty pathetic. I will call a woman two to three days after she gives me her number. This is strictly a circumstantial rule. If I feel there is a really good connection, I might call her earlier than this. Otherwise, I will wait. If the woman I am pursuing does not pick up, I will not leave a message on the first call. I will maybe call back later on that evening, most likely the next day. On the second call, I may leave a message. Depending on the situation, I will not call back after I leave the message. Men do not want to look "desperate." This is why I try not to over pursue. I have been told by female friends(pretty much two of my sisters) that desperation is a smelly cologne. This is why the pursuit part of the game is really strange in today's dating world.
3. If I am able to take the young lady out, I will ALWAYS offer to pick her up. I will always ask what she would like to do. Typically the answer is "whatever you want to do." At which point I am left with what can be a relatively difficult decision. I try and find a middle ground in the restaurant forum in terms of price/food quality/ambiance/etc. When I pick my date up(if she wants to meet me someplace, I usually get the impression that she isn't too excited about meeting me out and wants an easy out if necessary, again, circumstantial) I always come to her door, open and close doors for her, including the car door. ALWAYS.
4. At dinner, I will not discuss politics or religion unless my date decides to enter that arena. Women my age are typically liberal, especially on my side of town. Both of these areas are touchy, and I treat them as such. If a woman disagrees with me politically, I leave it alone. It is NOT a deal breaker, it depends on the strength of the beliefs. Again, circumstantial. Any other conversation is open and welcome. If a woman wants to know what I do, fine. I have no problem talking about it. If she wants to know my salary, I will politely respond "I do well for myself."
5. If a woman is very strong about her beliefs and position in life, I am usually very impressed. If she is on my side of the spectrum in beliefs/ideals/morals, it is actually a turn on if she is vocal about them. If she is successful in her career and life, it is also a turn on. If she is more successful than me, it is NOT intimidating. I can handle that. I would like to think that I am not a testosterone type "A" pig headed chauvonist male that can't handle that. If she is too arrogant about it, now we have a problem. It is all about middle ground. I don't want you to talk about how much money you make over and over and over again. (Sidebar - I dated a girl who was the granddaughter of Sam Johnson for three days. She was the heiress to SC Johnson Wax. That is a multimillion dollar company. I could have been set for life I decided to listen to her, be a schill, and settle for her looks, see "not that attractive." I couldn't stand listening to her talk about all the money she had, cars she had, butlers/personal chefs/etc. she had over and over and over again and again and again. Instead of being a dick and telling her how I really felt, I ignored her. Asshole thing to do, but the other way would have been a LOT meaner, trust me.)
In summary, PI mom, there are a lot of dumb boys and girls out there. Actually, just plain, straight out dumb people. Unfortunately, we have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. That is just how life works. Because I am this way, which I consider to be normal, I have a bad feeling I will never get what I want(and when I say that, all I hear in my head is the Rolling Stones song "You Can't Always Get What You Want." Dammit!).
How old are you? How many kids do you have? Do you have any pics? Do you want to move to Milwaukee? :)
Only if...
At 5:04 PM, August 17, 2006,
P.I. Mom said…
Oh DCS, you're such a sweetie - and a good catch, too! If only I was 10 years younger (at least!) I would be developing a big crush on you right now.
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my rant. I don't know where you learned all your "tricks", but THAT'S the way boys acted when I was dating (back in the late 80's and early 90's). And THAT is the way boys should be acting now. The thing that gets me - is that if I'm "shopping" among men my age - they should all remember the way it's supposed to be.
Your sisters are right about the "desperate" thing. That's what I meant when I said you shouldn't pursue someone the minute you meet her. But seriously, I think every woman I know would agree that being pursued is a wonderful thing. That's the kind of thing that butterflies are made of....and I'm sorry, but I want to have butterflies!
The Johnson girl...you're better off without that nonsense. If she's over the age of 12 (and I'm going to assume she is) then she knows that what she's doing is rubbing her wealth in people's faces and eventually, someone will call her on it and tell her it's very unattractive.
You're right about there being a lot of dumb boys AND girls out there...I just wish I wasn't such a dumb boy magnet. Take some advice from me, DCS...don't fool around until you're in your 30's before finding someone to settle down with. The older you get - the shallower the pool gets and some times it seems as though all the good guys are spoken for. At my age (late 30's), if they're single...you have to wonder why. Perhaps it's because they don't know the rules of dating!
Oh, and yes - the "lawyer guy" was a complete ass. When I got to my car he asked me if he could take me out again and my response was, "honey, you need someone bigger than me to protect you". He had the most bewildered look on his face as I got into my car and drove away. Guys like that don't get it and never will.
You, on the other hand, seem to have a firm grasp on what to do - you just need to find a nice conservative girl to play house with. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that you find her.
Thanks again for your voice of reason.
At 6:12 PM, August 17, 2006,
Disgruntled Car Salesman said…
Why not you? I like older women. More experienced, they know what they want and how to get it... Could be just what you are looking for. Remember, late thirties is the new late twenties.
At 1:07 AM, August 21, 2006,
Kate said…
If nothing else, y'all could talk about politics, and no one would get their knickers in a twist! :) I have to admit, I did date a guy that was 15 years younger than me for a while. It started out great, but he turned out to be a majorly spoiled pain in the ass towards the end of the relation. I'm learly of the younger sprouts, but I do know there are a few good ones. Give it a shot, you just might have a good time. AND gained a good friend.
At 4:43 PM, August 21, 2006,
Disgruntled Car Salesman said…
I like the way Kate thinks.
At 4:57 PM, August 21, 2006,
P.I. Mom said…
I had a feeling you would :O)
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