It's not what you know...

Naomi Campbell gets to smack not one, not two, but three of her maids. Everyone with a pulse knows she'll never see the inside of a jail cell or be deported.

I don't get to smack anyone. Not one person. Not my employees. Not even the paper boy who SOAKS my newspaper every stinking day by throwing it into the flower bed by the sprinkler. Nobody.

I wanna smack someone and just get richer from the publicity. Sheesh.