The Politically Incorrect Mom


Sunday, December 10, 2006

A Moonbat Christmas

I finally got around to the dreaded task of dragging out the Christmas stuff and decorating the house for the holidays. I dread it more and more each year and find myself doing less and less and wishing I didn't have to do it at all. I've managed to reduce the decorating to a very slim tree and the mantel. Nothing outside. Nothing in the windows. I fear I'm turning into my mother, who now puts up only a tiny tree in the corner of the dining room, which comes out of a box with all the decorations on it and then goes back into the box the same way.

I guess it's the disruption in what I consider "normalcy". You know - having to move furniture around to put the tree up - which means extra furniture in other parts of the house...a twinkling, shiny thing in the living room that you can always see out of the corner of your eye while watching television - no matter how far you turn your head. And then there's the idea of a tree inside the house. Trees belong outdoors...not in the living room. I'm not a complete scrooge. I just don't enjoy the holidays the way other people do and I'm always happy to see New Year's Day coming around the bend. It means things are headed back to "normal".

As a result of the wretched decorating extravaganza, it now looks as though Christmas threw up in my living room. I tried to distract myself from the task at hand as much as possible and from the thoughts that I was doing all this work - only to take it back down in a couple of weeks. I put on AC/DC and turned it up loud... but soon realized that I wasn't going to be able to tear my brain away from holiday stuff.

For instance, I have a number of obligatory gifts to purchase for bosses, colleagues, employees...I HATE obligatory gifts. I hate receiving them and I hate giving them. Here's the snuff.....I don't need any more junk!! I don't want any more candles, nick-nacks, handmade personalized Christmas tree decorations or boxes of chocolate. What's worse, many of the obligatory gifts I have to purchase are for liberals. Let's face it - they haven't exactly been in the "nice" list this year.

I set out to develop a list of possible gifts. There may be others out there who need help finding obligatory gifts for the libs in your life - so, after a great deal of deliberate thought, I've come up with the following gift ideas that should put a smile on the face of any moonbat you know.

# 1 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Barbra Streisand's Newest CD - "Why I Hate The U.S.A."
This CD is chalk full of Barbra's greatest hits - including,
Global, Global, Global Warming
George Bush is a Racist
Katrina Was a Right Wing Conspiracy
My Friend Chavez
There's No Such Thing As Terrorists
All The Iraqis Need is Prozac
And many, many more...

#2 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Mother Sheehan Rainbow Ringer Tee
A beautiful belly shirt featuring Cindy Sheehan pictured with her lover, Hillary Clinton, and the caption "Sleeping in a tent together until they all come home - or someone buys our books...which ever comes first".

#3 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
John Kerry Rice Crispy Treats
Is there anything better than the thought of chowing down on John Kerry's face?

#4 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Cynthia McKinney Barking Doll
Touch her anywhere and she'll bark like a dog. May also be purchased with optional slapping, kicking and biting features.

#5 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Toys for Illegals
That's right, can donate a toy for an illegal immigrant in the name of your favorite moonbat. Make sure that all those people who are already living off our tax dollars have a better Christmas than your own kids.

#6 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Abortion Clinic Tour This is a great gift for those who have young daughters - preferably middle school age.

#7 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Tickets to The View
What could be better than the solid advice they'll get from Rosie?

#8 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
A White Flag
Because everyone should fly the flag they pledge to from their front porch.

#9 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Copy of The Iraq Study Group Report
They wrote it anyway.

#10 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
One Year Subscription to Jihad Today Magazine
Also available in Spanish for the illegals on your list.

#11 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Michael Moore Commemorative Spoon
Extra large spoon - you, too, can be a big, fat, greasy pig.

#12 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Gift Certificate for an HPV Vaccine
For an extra $500 you can couple this with a buy one/get one free abortion.

That's all I've got for now, but rest assured....PI Mom is on the lookout for more ideas to make your holiday easier.


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