25 ways to be a good democrat...
If you're thinking about becoming a democrat - you may want to take this little test to make sure you are going to fit in.
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but urban activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that having self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it manipulates certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that as long as there is a Republican in the White House, they are responsible for everything from the direction the wind blows to vaccinating the entire world for a flu that 116 people have contracted. If however, a democrat is in the White House - the responsibility no longer exists.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
21. You have to believe that John Kerry’s Purple Hearts are legitimate, and that a Massachusetts Senator more liberal than Teddy Kennedy can be elected President of the United States.
22. You have to believe that the ACLU knows more about raising your children than you do.
23. You have to believe that signs that bear the statement, "In God We Trust" are offensive, but pornography is not.
24. You have to believe that offending a Muslim, Athiest or Homosexual is absolutely intolerable, but offending a Christian is o.k.
25. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but urban activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that having self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it manipulates certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that as long as there is a Republican in the White House, they are responsible for everything from the direction the wind blows to vaccinating the entire world for a flu that 116 people have contracted. If however, a democrat is in the White House - the responsibility no longer exists.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
21. You have to believe that John Kerry’s Purple Hearts are legitimate, and that a Massachusetts Senator more liberal than Teddy Kennedy can be elected President of the United States.
22. You have to believe that the ACLU knows more about raising your children than you do.
23. You have to believe that signs that bear the statement, "In God We Trust" are offensive, but pornography is not.
24. You have to believe that offending a Muslim, Athiest or Homosexual is absolutely intolerable, but offending a Christian is o.k.
25. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
posted by P.I. Mom @ Sunday, October 16, 2005
9 Comments:
At 10:19 AM, October 17, 2005,
Anonymous said…
Your list brings up some interesting tensions within the belief system of democrats and liberals. It certainly puts on the table a lot of issues with very complex histories and even more complex future implications.
One issue that I do take a bit of offense to however is questioning the effort that troops put forth in Vietnam and the administrations attempts to validate that work. Despite his ill-advised run for the presidency, John Kerry was still a part of the United States army and fought for this country in a time when many others were too scared to just too liberal. Please don't imply that this in some way was illegitimate. Supporting the troops does not mean supporting the republican troops or the conservative troops. It means thanking all men and women who put their lives on the line to protect the country we have come to love.
At 10:54 AM, October 17, 2005,
Shelly said…
Then you assume that all democrats are agnostic, John Kerry did not fight with honor and dignity (remember, Bush, Cheney, neither one of those cowards would fight...kerry volunteered)
and Democrats like Hillary Clinton are evil!! And just cause you support a woman's right to CHOOSE, doesnt mean you support abortion. You right winged freaks can't seem to find the seem in that arguement. You assume that Roe vs. Wade is an abortion law. It isn't and if overturned by the Supreme Court, it would not make abortion illegal, it would simply move the decision back to the state.
The only way you know who your daddy is, is because your momma told you so.
Don't believe everything you hear on Rush Limbaugh or by James Dobson.
I am a democrat and a christian and frankly find your divisive post offensive and frankly pathetic.
At 11:34 AM, October 17, 2005,
P.I. Mom said…
And as usual....I'm sorry if it hit too close to home.
At 11:41 AM, October 17, 2005,
P.I. Mom said…
P.S. If Roe V Wade is not an abortion law - exactly what is it??????? Please do tell - since we "freaks" don't know the difference.
At 1:31 PM, October 17, 2005,
Neo-Con Tastic said…
Christian Democrat. Oxy-moron. It's funny that you call yourself Christian but are Pro-Choice; what Christian religion, religion based on the life of Jesus Christ, allows you to be Pro-Choice?
Secondly, I don't think your rash reaction to PI Mom's comments are very Christian either.
Oh yeah, you have the right to choose what Christian laws you want to abide by - we call you people "Cafeteria Christians."
At 1:57 PM, October 17, 2005,
P.I. Mom said…
Neo - amen!
At 1:31 PM, August 08, 2008,
Anonymous said…
I think it is funny to see Christians arguing over who is more Christian when one side supports abortion and the other side supports wars. Jesus never said, "turn the other cheek unless you are afraid someone might attack... in that case, please invade them to protect yourself and your allies."
I'm not necessarily opposed to the idea of war under certain circumstances, but I'm agnostic so as not to be a hypocrite.
At 3:37 AM, February 27, 2009,
Anonymous said…
26 Ways to be a Good Republican
1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an illness and needs our prayers for your recovery.
2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
3) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the wrong gender.
5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.
7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.
8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.
9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.
10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.
11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.
12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.
13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
14) You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.
15) You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.
16) You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism personified.
17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.
18) You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.
19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a we-can't-find-Bin-Laden diversion.
20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet.
21) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a private matter.
22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.
23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what locally assed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.
24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest but what Bush did decades later is stale news and irrelevant.
25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy
26) You have to be against abortion, but support capital punishment (thou shalt not kill!??.)
At 8:03 PM, February 28, 2009,
Anonymous said…
Hehe - good reading there, sport!
I do believe Jesus hates Hillary Clinton. Not quite sure when we demanded terrorist's money, though??
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