The Politically Incorrect Mom


Monday, December 25, 2006

Saying Goodbye to a Legend

It's sad to see many of the musical influences of my childhood fading by one...


Today, the world lost another legend....the Godfather of Soul....James Brown. There's never been another - before or since - who has influenced so many genres. I hope he's resting in a better place.

Good God!!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas

May God bless you today and in the coming year!!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


"Killing him with my bare hands"...would be an understatement.

MIDLAND, Texas - A 3-month-old baby was left unattended in a shopping cart for about an hour Sunday when her parents accidentally left her behind, police said. Shoppers noticed the abandoned baby at a Toys "R" Us store, Midland police Sgt. Alfredo Grimaldo said.

"It was a misunderstanding among family members," Grimaldo said in Monday editions of the Midland Reporter-Telegram. "One man took the kids home and left the ladies to shop. But when he took the kids, he didn't take the baby from the cart."

The family members, who were traveling in different cars, didn't realize what happened until they all got home and nobody had the baby, he said.

"We don't think it was really a child abandonment issue. It was just a misunderstanding," Grimaldo said.

Police spokeswoman Tina Jauz said Child Protective Services is looking into the case.

Me thinks the divorce will be final by spring.

Monday, December 18, 2006

A Girl's Gotta Dance...

Dreams are great. Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? I do. I have a good life, but I'm not living my dream. My "dream" just wasn't in the cards - nobody's fault...just not as fate would have it.

I just spent the weekend with my girls in New York City and found myself discussing what they see for their futures. I couldn't help noticing how much they're like I was at their ages and how different their own dreams are from what I wish for them. It's not always easy, but I do my best not to ever discourage them, even when their dreams seem a tad on the unrealistic side...and scare the heck out of me.

It doesn't hurt that we were in what I've found to be one of the most magical cities in the country. Every time I visit, I wonder how the people of New York get such a bad rap. Ok, ok...put them in a car and they're maniacs....but otherwise - New York City has some of the most wonderful people on the planet living in it and if you're looking for something great to do during the holidays...or any time of year, should consider New York. You'll never be sorry you did.

As my daughters discussed how they both want to move to NYC and pursue completely different career paths, which of course include living brilliant, glamorous lives... I wondered how many times they would change their minds before they actually reached their goals and I thought, "what a wonderful, terrifying dream". But I never said it out loud.

It was friends of my parents who first took me to New York City when I was 11 years old. My parents were wildly opposed to any of their children ever setting foot in the city of sin. Seems they lived there early in their marriage (long before I came along) and according to them - Satan himself lives there.

I was terrified when I arrived (remembering all the horror stories my parents told me about the filth and crime I could expect). Before long, however, I found myself at awe that I hadn't contracted some terrible disease or been mugged in the first 15 minutes and that what I was seeing/experiencing was actually quite wonderful.

During my first trip I visited China Town, went to the top of the Empire State Building and then visited a place that I thought about every single day for the next several years... Radio City Music Hall.

I will never forget the way I felt - sitting in the very center of the orchestra level at a summer matinee. I never wanted that show to end and when it did...I decided right then and there....if I never did anything else, I had to be a Rockette (go ahead...laugh...)

I went home with my Rockettes poster and hung it on the wall next to my bed. When I told my mother and sisters about my career plans, they (in typical form) mocked me and reduced me to tears, but that didn't deter me from dreaming about my future as a Radio City Rockette. I remember thinking....if I have to hitch hike to New York City the day I graduate from high school....I will be a Rockette. And so it went for the next 4 and a half years. All I dreamed of was getting out of smalltown USA and finding my niche as a high-kicking glamour girl with feathers on her head. Of course I stopped telling people about it in order to avoid being humiliated, but I practiced daily (I was a gymnast, not a dancer) and eventually taught myself to kick my own nose.

And happened. The day my dreams were crushed...

I was in grade 10. I waited in line for my cheerleading physical (this was back in the days when the doctor came to the school and performed physicals on-site and free of charge for anyone involved in a sport). When it was my turn, Dr. George (a gnarly old guy who scared the b-jesus out of me) said the words that changed my life. After taking a number of measurements, he said,

"You're 5'4" and that's all the taller you're going to get".

"What??? NO!!! That can't be! Measure again! How do you know I'm finished growing??? I could grow some more, right? Right? Right????"

Sadly, scary old Dr. George was correct. Well, for the most part. I did manage to put on another half inch over the next few years, but I was never to be the minimum 5 feet 6 inches required to be a Rockette. I was devastated.

Yeah - go ahead and laugh. It was pretty daggone real to me.

So, what's my rant? Just this...

Let your kids dream. If your kid says he/she wants to be a prima astronaut...a race car driver...or a brain surgeon...tell them they can do anything they want. As Nationwide says..."Life comes at you fast." If their dreams are silly - let them figure it out on their own. Soon enough they'll be going to college, talking about marriage, mortgages and children of their own. Maybe they'll go into the family business...but maybe...just maybe...they'll get to do what THEY love. Not everybody gets to do that, but those who are discouraged from their dreams seldom do.

Oh, and one more thing. If your daughter comes home and says she wants to be a Rockette...for God's sake - give the kid growth hormones!!!!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Bad Idea

Senator Bob Beers of Las Vegas wants to let school teachers carry guns. While school shootings are happening more and more, the occurances of law enforcement and correctional officers getting shot with their own weapons is even higher. If law enforecement can't even get it right - this is a bad idea.
Don't get me wrong...I'm pro-guns. I just don't want my daughter's teachers, half of whom don't know enough not to sleep with their own students, walking around the middle school with one. This is a really, really bad idea.

Making Nice

Incoming Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, says absolutely nothing has changed as a result of Senator Johnson's brain surgery. Of course what he really means is, "we'll wheel him in on a stretcher to vote once a year if that's what it takes to keep the majority". Hey, it's been done before. I suspect the libs will have a completely different take on the definition of a persistent vegetative state pretty soon.

As much as I would like to see things swing to the right - I have no intention of being a hateful ass about it. OF COURSE I wish the senator and his family the very best, but I can't help noticing that I haven't seen anything nasty being blogged about this guy's illness coming from the right - even after the libs have repeatedly wished suffering, torment and even death on Republicans who have become ill.

Remember John Ashcroft's very painful pancreatitis back in 2004? Members of the
Democratic Underground had these loving, well wishes for the former Attorney General:

"He has it coming. He is utterly sub-human evil. Suffer, bastard."

"The world would be better off without him."

"I hope he is in the most severe pain a human being can suffer, and after that, I hope he remains in constant pain with no hope of relief."

"Good...I hope it's slow, I hope it's painful, and I hope that he suffers greatly before he dies..."

And when conservative radio talk-show host, Laura Ingraham had breast cancer:

"I don't pray for Nazis or other Totalitarian Scum."

"I hope she goes into remission and f***ing chokes to death."

"She probably gave it to herself...all that hate, lies, anger."

So, let me be the first to say,

"Best Wishes to Senator Tim Johnson and his family."

Regardless of your political affiliation, having a sick/critical loved one is difficult and brain surgery is no easy recovery process.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Everybody gets a new title...

While sitting in the doctor's office for 45 minutes today - waiting for my daughter to be seen for a sports physical for school - I found myself sitting in an exam room with only one magazine on the rack. The magazine happened to be the November 27 issue of People Magazine. Not something I would normally pick up and read and this issue even less since the cover story was that George Clooney had been selected as the 2006 Sexiest Man Alive. First, let me say.......PA-LEEEEZ! There are sexier men that I know in person - not to mention some of the McDreamy men walking around Hollywood now - and girls you know what I'm saying!!. George - dorky guy from the Rosanne show - Clooney? Nerd-handyman from The Facts of Life....that George Clooney? UGH! Clearly, those who voted forgot about the 80's and have never heard him open his mouth.

At any rate - I took one look at the cover and put the magazine back, opting instead to read the posters on the walls. After about 20 minutes of studying the digestive system - as interesting as that was, I became desperate and picked up the magazine. I flipped to the interview the publisher had with the newly crowned king of sexy, just to see what stupid thing was going to come out of his mouth next and.....there it was......

Q: Will you ever run for office?

A: No. I can get more done from where I am on issues than I could trying to make policy. I don't have to compromise on anything. I don't have to worry about alienating anyone. I can go in head first.

And you know what??? He's right. He is absolutely, positively right on with that answer. Anyone who may have thought that some of these celebrities don't know what they're doing when they lead the developmentally delayed followers of this country into whatever they choose - you're crazy. Clooney, at least, knows exactly what he's doing. He knows that the ridiculous number of Americans who can't think for themselves will listen to him as an actor a lot quicker than they'll listen to him as a politician. Why? Because he's sexy? (I beg to differ with that one) Because he played a smart guy once? (not really sure about that either). Really it's because people in this country are so disillusioned by celebrities that they can't pull their heads out of their butts long enough see the light.

I know I've ranted about this before - but reading it straight from the horse's mouth just confirmed what I already knew - not all celebs are just stupid blondes like Natalie Maines - some of them actually have an agenda. Scary.

Georgie may have been dubbed the Sexiest Man Alive - but I got a brand new title this week, too....

I love my employer. I really do. I work for one of the best companies in South Central Pennsylvania and I'm proud of what I do for a living. They have exhibited an enormous amount of confidence in me and have allowed me to steadily "climb the ladder" - never holding me back from the next challenge. Unfortunately, loving my job and displaying a willingness to take on any responsibility they've thrown my way has bought me the title of "Pathetic Loser Who Has To Travel Over The Holidays". As I pondered why on earth my boss was sending me to visit 3 states over the last 3 days of the year when there are so many other people - higher up on the food chain than I am - who would be better suited for this trip - a friend said, "because it's over new years!" DUH! Guess I totally missed that one when they asked me to do it.

So, I'll be in Michigan, Illinois and Wisconsin on the last three days of 2006. I'm really hoping my blogger buddies in Milwaukee will take pity on this lowly traveler and tell me where the New Years Eve party is (and then let me crash it) - otherwise, it's a hotel room....feeling sorry for myself...on New Years Eve...sniff, sniff....

Sunday, December 10, 2006

A Moonbat Christmas

I finally got around to the dreaded task of dragging out the Christmas stuff and decorating the house for the holidays. I dread it more and more each year and find myself doing less and less and wishing I didn't have to do it at all. I've managed to reduce the decorating to a very slim tree and the mantel. Nothing outside. Nothing in the windows. I fear I'm turning into my mother, who now puts up only a tiny tree in the corner of the dining room, which comes out of a box with all the decorations on it and then goes back into the box the same way.

I guess it's the disruption in what I consider "normalcy". You know - having to move furniture around to put the tree up - which means extra furniture in other parts of the house...a twinkling, shiny thing in the living room that you can always see out of the corner of your eye while watching television - no matter how far you turn your head. And then there's the idea of a tree inside the house. Trees belong outdoors...not in the living room. I'm not a complete scrooge. I just don't enjoy the holidays the way other people do and I'm always happy to see New Year's Day coming around the bend. It means things are headed back to "normal".

As a result of the wretched decorating extravaganza, it now looks as though Christmas threw up in my living room. I tried to distract myself from the task at hand as much as possible and from the thoughts that I was doing all this work - only to take it back down in a couple of weeks. I put on AC/DC and turned it up loud... but soon realized that I wasn't going to be able to tear my brain away from holiday stuff.

For instance, I have a number of obligatory gifts to purchase for bosses, colleagues, employees...I HATE obligatory gifts. I hate receiving them and I hate giving them. Here's the snuff.....I don't need any more junk!! I don't want any more candles, nick-nacks, handmade personalized Christmas tree decorations or boxes of chocolate. What's worse, many of the obligatory gifts I have to purchase are for liberals. Let's face it - they haven't exactly been in the "nice" list this year.

I set out to develop a list of possible gifts. There may be others out there who need help finding obligatory gifts for the libs in your life - so, after a great deal of deliberate thought, I've come up with the following gift ideas that should put a smile on the face of any moonbat you know.

# 1 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Barbra Streisand's Newest CD - "Why I Hate The U.S.A."
This CD is chalk full of Barbra's greatest hits - including,
Global, Global, Global Warming
George Bush is a Racist
Katrina Was a Right Wing Conspiracy
My Friend Chavez
There's No Such Thing As Terrorists
All The Iraqis Need is Prozac
And many, many more...

#2 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Mother Sheehan Rainbow Ringer Tee
A beautiful belly shirt featuring Cindy Sheehan pictured with her lover, Hillary Clinton, and the caption "Sleeping in a tent together until they all come home - or someone buys our books...which ever comes first".

#3 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
John Kerry Rice Crispy Treats
Is there anything better than the thought of chowing down on John Kerry's face?

#4 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Cynthia McKinney Barking Doll
Touch her anywhere and she'll bark like a dog. May also be purchased with optional slapping, kicking and biting features.

#5 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Toys for Illegals
That's right, can donate a toy for an illegal immigrant in the name of your favorite moonbat. Make sure that all those people who are already living off our tax dollars have a better Christmas than your own kids.

#6 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Abortion Clinic Tour This is a great gift for those who have young daughters - preferably middle school age.

#7 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Tickets to The View
What could be better than the solid advice they'll get from Rosie?

#8 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
A White Flag
Because everyone should fly the flag they pledge to from their front porch.

#9 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Copy of The Iraq Study Group Report
They wrote it anyway.

#10 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
One Year Subscription to Jihad Today Magazine
Also available in Spanish for the illegals on your list.

#11 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Michael Moore Commemorative Spoon
Extra large spoon - you, too, can be a big, fat, greasy pig.

#12 Moonbat Holiday Gift:
Gift Certificate for an HPV Vaccine
For an extra $500 you can couple this with a buy one/get one free abortion.

That's all I've got for now, but rest assured....PI Mom is on the lookout for more ideas to make your holiday easier.

Friday, December 08, 2006

"A Nation that kills its own children is a nation without hope." - Pope John Paul II

52% of all abortions occur before the 9th week of pregnancy, 25% happen between the 9th & 10th week, 12% happen between the 11th and 12th week, 6% happen between the 13th & 15th week, 4% happen between the 16th & 20th week, and 1% of all abortions (16,450/yr.) happen after the 20th week of pregnancy.

With my best friend's permission - I am posting this beautiful photo of an exciting addition to "our" family. S/he (I think it's SHE) will be arriving in July...but yesterday, she was a mere 6 1/2 week fetus.

....look closely, you can see her little nose...her little hand...

48% of all abortions in this country are performed AFTER the age of this baby.

How can any reasonable-minded person see this photo and say it's not a baby. Makes me sad.

"It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish." - Mother Teresa

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Does it get better than this?

I'm sorry - I know it's not very ladylike - but this is hysterical...

Seems a woman on a plane had a little digestive problem that she couldn't....hold in...and instead of....oh, I don't know...use perfume or perhaps a charcoal filter - she thought it was a smart idea to light a match to cover the smell of know....gastrointestinal problem.

Because it's always a good idea to LIGHT A MATCH ON A PLANE!!

A scene from "Porky's" comes to mind.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Statistic or Survivor - you decide...

I'm about to say something that's going to make me unpopular...again...

The statistics are staggering.

75% of children/adolescents in chemical dependency hospitals are from single-parent families. (Center for Disease Control, Atlanta, GA)

1 out of 5 children have a learning, emotional, or behavioral problem due to the family system changing. (National Center for Health Statistics)

More than one half of all youths incarcerated for criminal acts lived in one-parent families when they were children. (Children's Defense Fund)

Nine million American children face risk factors that may hinder their ability to become healthy and productive adults. One in seven children deal with at least four of the risk factors, which include growing up in a single-parent household...The survey also indicated that children confronting several risk factors are more likely to experience problems with concentration, communication, and health. (1999 Kids Count Survey - Annie E. Casey Foundation)

63% of suicides are individuals from single parent families (FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin - Investigative Aid)

"Separation, divorce and unmarried parenthood seemed to be a high risk for children/adolescents in these families for the development of suicidal behavior". (Atilla Turgay, M.D.American Psychiatric Association's Scientific Meeting, May 1994)

75% of teenage pregnancies are adolescents from single parent homes (Children in need: Investment Strategies...Committee for Economic Development)

Staggering - and clear. Here's what I don't get...


I had the misfortune of being seated between two women the other night who were having this conversation about their 19 year old sons...

Woman 1: "Well, at least he's not using drugs anymore and he's starting to understand where all of his behavioral problems have come from".

Woman 2: "That's good. I think it definitely depends on what age they were traumatized".

Woman 1: "Yes! The age they were traumatized definitely makes a difference!"

***At this point, I'm thinking..."What the heck happened to these women's kids? Were they molested? Kidnapped? What on earth are they talking about?"
Apparently, Woman 1 noticed the confused look on my face and said, "Don't you agree?"

PI Mom: "What do you mean WHEN they were traumatized? What happened to your kids?"

Woman 1: "OH! We mean when the divorce happened! You know, when their dad left".

I was floored! I'm a single mother. I've been divorced for 11 years. I have always hated the tag, "broken home" because in my case, as in many, many cases - my home was broken when I was married. When I left - I fixed it. I committed to giving my children a happy, healthy, well-adjusted life and that meant I had to divorce their dad. I never once assumed that my kids were going to have behavioral, emotional or health problems simply because there was only one parent in their home. It's not always easy. It's not always fun. It IS, however, always, always, always worth the effort and whatever sacrifices are made. It is simply a decision that you make. I have great kids who don't consider themselves victims or measure their successes or failures based on a timeline that began when they were "traumatized". Why? Because it has NEVER occurred to me to use my divorce as a crutch or allow my kids to use it as an excuse to behave badly. It's never been an option.

Now, here's the thing girls (and boys). Divorce is difficult - it's really hard on kids, but tagging that moment in their life as the moment their lives were irrevocably traumatized is a cop out. Kids are as traumatized as we allow them to be by our divorces and it's our job as the parent who didn't walk out - or DID walk out to give your kids a better life - to commit to making our kid's lives as normal as possible in spite of the circumstances. And yes - I had just as difficult a divorce as anyone. My marriage, divorce and the aftermath was nothing short of the makings of a Lifetime TV movie. And contrary to Woman 1's suggestion to me that divorce is somehow different for girls and easier on daughters than on sons - my kids didn't turn out o.k. because they were girls. My kids turned out o.k. because I didn't...sell out. Yeah, I said it.

I wouldn't suggest that two-parent homes aren't the ideal. I'm not suggesting that it doesn't matter whether kids have both parents in their lives or that input from both parents isn't very, very valuable or even that some children aren't more "traumatized" than others by their parent's divorce. What I would suggest is that the reported statistics on behavioral problems, emotional problems, incarceration, chemical dependency and suicide are not just the result of children growing up in single-parent homes - they're the result of bad parenting. Yeah, I said it.

I know plenty of women and men who blame every single problem in their lives on their failed marriages/former spouses and if you want to cop out on taking responsibility for your own failures - knock yourself out. But let's be real. If your kids fall apart, misbehave, get pregnant, addicted to drugs,'s not because you got divorced. Not unless you use your divorce as a crutch to the degree that you cripple your children and their ability to take responsibility for their actions. You have a choice - you can either teach your kids to be victims - or teach them to rise above their circumstances. You can teach them to be statistics - or survivors. Make no mistake - it's entirely up to you.

I am so tired of seeing statistics like the ones above presented in a way that supposedly explains WHY kids act the way they do without giving credit where it is due. Whether your kids are growing up with a father or with a mother or with both - HOW they are raised, WHAT they are taught and WHO they are exposed to will influence the outcomes in their lives way more than whether or not both parents resided in the same household. It's time for single parents, both dads and moms to take responsibility for the upbringing they're providing for their children and it's time for our society to stop giving single parents excuses not to do right by their kids.

I'm not incapable of sympathizing with single moms. I AM one - but sympathy won't keep your kids out of rehab. If I could ANYTHING to help empower single moms (or dads) - it would not be, "There, there! It's not your fault". It would be that you only get one chance to do the right thing with your kids. Don't sell them out. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Quit waiting for your x-husband/wife to step up to the plate. Do...your...job. You'll never be sorry that your kids aren't part of the statistics.

New Rules

In the spirit of holiday giving and an effort to reduce my own road rage, I've put together a few driving/automobile related rules that I'd like to pass along to anyone who happens to be driving in the South Central Pennsylvania region this year (actually, these rules apply all year keep them handy). Honestly, folks...I'm walking on the edge right now with the idiotic drivers around here - so here you go...

1. Put your make-up on at home. The ambulance/emergency personnel don't care if you've put your mascara on when they cut your ass out of your car.

2. If you are afraid to drive on the bypass - take the back roads. DON'T drive 40 mph in a 65 mph zone during the morning rush hour. If you're not in a hurry - take the long way!!

3. Merge, DAMN IT!

4. When finding yourself at a 4-way stop with's important to remember that it's ALWAYS my turn.

5. With the exception of possibly two places in the city, where I am fully familiar with my surroundings...I'm NOT turning right on red. There is no traffic law that requires it and gesturing to me will not cause me to "remember" to turn. Honking your horn will only insure that you will not only sit through the red light - but possibly the next green light also.

6. Speaking of horns....please remember that they are designed as a "warning mechanism"...meaning that they are to be used when someone is about to inadvertently back into you or for some other near-miss type of situation. Honking your horn at me for any reason other than those stated will result in my doing the opposite of what you are trying to get me to do. So, if you really want to get where you're going - stay off the horn!

7. For those of you who have no responsibilities and are able to spend your day Christmas shopping...please remember to get where you're going by noon and stay there until at least 1:00. The extra traffic on the roadways when I am making my lunchtime dash to Starbucks is only making your world a more dangerous place. Don't you people have jobs???????

8. I don't care if you talk on your telephone, but pay attention to what the heck you're doing. If you were a good driver, your music would be up too loud to hear it ring.

9. I have really, really good insurance....and I just got new brakes. Stay off my butt!!!

10. If the light at Rohrerstown & Marietta is backed up to the tracks- don't expect me to pull on to the tracks. Yes, I am aware that the train comes through at 8am and we're sitting there at 7:45 - I don't care. You have two choices - back off and get through the next green light OR honk your horn and pull right up to my bumper and we're both sitting there until after the 8am train comes through.

Special note for Mr. Silver Volvo Station Wagon who drives on College Avenue at 7:50 every morning and has passed a school bus on the right for the past two days...I notice your license plate begins with FRK...I have the last 4 numbers...if you don't want to get your ass kicked by a girl in front of a bunch of school kids, do it again you irresponsible moron....then I'll see you again when I testify against you in traffic court.

These rules are subject to modification and additions at any time between now and Christmas - assuming I don't rocket some idiot off the front of my car before then.

Monday, December 04, 2006

The Loser's Club

At the urging of my kids, I recently attended an event at a local church that I sometimes visit. According to the church web calendar, it was supposed to be a class held once or twice a month for single people in their late 30's+. Apparently I'm smothering my kids because they've been bugging me to attend one of these events for some time. Why? Because according to them...I need to meet people and socialize. Of course I was adamantly opposed to going because, well... I don't particularly like people. The truth is, I have to socialize, make nice and schmooze people all day long at my job. When I leave the job - I don't want to socialize. In fact, I'm ridiculously anti-social and I like it that way. Of course that does very little toward the prospect of ever meeting a nice, conservative, Republican man and getting re-married - which I suspect is part of my daughter's motives since they keep reminding me that they won't be around forever and "I don't want you to be alone, mom!"

...yeah, I don't either.

So, against my better judgment and probably more to prove my daughters wrong, I pulled myself away from the Saturday evening prime-time line-up and drove to the "class", which will henceforth and forevermore be referred to as "The Losers Club".

Upon arriving, the first thing I noticed was a table, just inside the door, with name tags....yes, NAME TAGS. Every fiber of my being said, "GO HOME!", but I knew the "I didn't want to wear a nametag" argument probably wouldn't fly with my oldest daughter (who was waiting by her phone for a post-class report). I breezed by the name tag table without so much as a glance and said a quick prayer that there were no name tag police. I looked around and found myself standing among 5 round tables, each with seating for 8. In the center of the tables were "table-tents" with the following descriptions written on them, "50+ & HOLDING", "SINGLE WITH KIDS", "HELP ME!", "40 SOMETHING" and "FUN". I immediately wondered why being single with kids had to mean that I wasn't fun, but wasn't willing to stand out in the open for long, where people could see me and possibly talk to me. I quickly found a seat at the "SINGLE WITH KIDS" table, mainly because it was the closest one and there was only one person seated there.

For the next few minutes several people filed in and found their seats at their choice of tables. I did my best not to make eye contact with anyone, pretending to be looking for something in my handbag so people would think I was "busy". Soon after, a man in his mid-40's went to the front of the room and introduced himself as Keith, the "host". The door in the back of the room closed and a hush fell over the room as Keith began to explain what was about to happen in this "class". As it turns out - it's not a class at least not in my definition of a class, which would be an event where someone teaches, lectures or in some other way instructs the attendees and that person is the only one who has to talk. Oh no - it's not a can't be.... because that's just not my friggin' luck. I gave up a Law & Order marathon to be a part of an "evening of sharing" with complete strangers who were, quite frankly, making my skin crawl.

Now, let me make something clear. I am not a complete introvert....quite the contrary. I talk to people all day long - from brilliant surgeons to hospital administrators to people on welfare who can't pay their medical bills. I have no problem communicating with any type of person and I'm proud to say that my employer recently gave me a wonderful compliment when he told me that one of the reasons he hired me was because I have a gift of being able to communicate with anyone from any walk of life and leave the table with everyone on the same page. I CAN communicate with strangers - I just don't WANT least not when I could be alone...on the sofa...with the clicker in my right hand and a Diet Coke in my left. I go out. I have dinner with friends. I attend healthcare forums and cocktail parties with clients and referrers. I attend events for the groups I volunteer with - Relay for Life, Victim's Advocates....I DO things. Just not all the time.

Next, Keith explained how the next HOUR AND A HALF would play out. His special guest, Pamela, would sit in a chair at the front of the room and tell us her "story" in small parts. Periodically throughout her "story", Keith would interrupt her and pose a question that we, the attendees, would have to give an answer to the rest of our table.

I looked back at the door.....still closed....I looked around and decided that I would be more conspicuous trying to leave, thus more mortified than I already was so I decided to beg God to strike me down right then and there. Surely He wouldn't make me endure this torture, right? Well.....I'm still here.

So, Pamela's story began.....she had a crappy childhood...blah, blah, blah... her mother was married 3 times and always took off with the kids in the middle of the day when the husbands were at work, blah, blah, blah...she ran away from home when she was 19 (is it really running away if you're 19??) blah, blah,friggin' blah..STOP...

Keith's question....."Tell about a defining moment in your life when you needed comfort".

At that moment I couldn't decide what I wanted to do more; beat Keith with my Coach bag or give my kids up for adoption. I looked at my beautiful bag...the kids definitely had to go. happened. The best idea in the history of good ideas just LANDED in my brain.

LIE. Make up answers. Say anything you want - just don't tell the truth.

I know what you're thinking. I was sitting in a church, for Pete's sake. How could I lie? Actually, it was really, really easy.

So I proceeded to make things up. Yep - every single question....just made up an answer. In fact, the more I lied, the easier it got and the more I thought, "this might not be such a bad thing after all". Not super-big lies, mind you...just reasonably believable tales that were just mundane enough to not elicit requests for elaboration. So, while the stressed out, bawlbaby-poopypants divorcee's at my table - drama vomited all over the place, I said things like..."I had a cat once. It died." Then if anyone looked at me for longer than a half-second expecting me to elaborate, I folded my arms across my chest and looked around the room... and whistled. It was the most aggravating, annoying, FUN thing I've done in a long time.

After an hour and a figgin' half of Pamela's whining about her drunken stepfathers, how she became a lesbian, an alcoholic and then wrecked her car and real-life angels from heaven appeared and drove her home and turned her whole life around and now she's not an alcoholic or a lesbian anymore....

...and listening to the answers given by the people at my table about their retina disease, horrible husbands, evil daughter-in-law, homosexual son, chronic unemployment and psoriasis...

I realized...

I may not be a social butterfly outside of my career and the volunteer work I my dance card isn't full - so what....and that might mean that my kids will eventually leave me at home alone...but I have a really good life. A healthy, happy, well-adjusted life. I have a great career, wonderful kids, a handful of really great friends and my cat (she's not really dead). And when I feel like ranting like a lunatic...I have this blog. Yeah, life is good....and being alone is good...very, very good....because the alternative is being a member of "The Loser's Club"

Maybe it wasn't a waste of make-up after all.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Seeds of Doubt

I have an employee who is a nice girl and a hard worker - but she has one weakness that causes me grief on a regular basis. This girl happens to be one of the few employees I have who worked at the facility at the time the corporation I work for acquired and took over the facility. As a result, she was witness to an immediate "downsizing" of sorts. This downsizing didn't happen because the company was in trouble or for one of the many reasons we hear about downsizing today. The staffing cuts were a result of a strategic plan to get rid of some of what I like to call "poison employees" who undermined management and were not producing work that provided a reasonable return on the investment the corporation was making in their salary. In short - they needed to go.

At the time of the downsizing, this employee drew a conclusion that the corporation she now worked for was run by evil, money-mongers who didn't care about their employees. This conclusion couldn't be further from the truth. In the year and a half since the acquisition, the facility in question has become tremendously more productive and efficient and is a much better place to work. This, of course, doesn't matter to the employee because she made a decision to hate her employers and there is little anyone will ever be able to do to change her mind.

Since misery loves company, this employee sees it as somewhat of her "job" to get as many people on board with her theory as possible. This includes poisoning every new employee who walks through the door with her "experience" with the company. This has happened so much so, that I have actually had to "prep" new employees regarding this employee and give them a heads-up to not listen to her nonsense.

So, why don't I just get rid of her? Good question. I've come close on many occasions - then I tell myself, besides this bad habit of hers - she is a very productive staff member who provides a good service to the company. A necessary evil, if you will. I try to justify her presence in the organization with this explanation, but the truth is... you can polish a turd all day long, but at the end of the day - it's still a turd. If this employee is willing to sabotage new employees within the organization - imagine what she's willing to sabotage outside - in the public eye.

Seeds of doubt grow. They flourish wherever they fall and sprout weeds that are difficult to control and are sometimes dangerous. In the case of the main stream media, this couldn't be more true. The war in Iraq has been fought in the media since the day we first deployed. The media has made it its mission to plant seeds of doubt in the minds of everyone who will listen. This has been dangerous on the homefront, but has proven to be even more dangerous in the Middle East.

I've ranted before that the whole world is watching us - taking our lead. I've encountered people from other nations who have told me, "the whole world is listening". I get it. They get it. The media pretends not to get it - but they do. They get it in every imaginable way and they use it to undermine the authority and sovereignty of our government every chance they get. Even after proving to the world over and over and over again that their words are not to be trusted, people listen to the MSM. Terrorists listen and use the words of discouragement that the MSM spreads as words of affirmation for their cause. If the MSM says the terrists are stronger than ever - they are. If the MSM says we aren't safe - we aren't. If the MSM says the Iraqi government is going to fall on it's face - they will. If the MSM says there is a civil war going on in Iraq - there will be. Why? Because people listen, people believe and people act accordingly.

Much like elections are won in the media, wars can be lost via the media if concentration is deliberately placed on the negatives. It's a sad day when we have to admit that liberals hate this administration more than they love their country and are willing to sacrifice our liberty and the liberty of those we fight to protect just to make George W. Bush look bad. Democrats will accuse this administration of taking innocent soldier's lives, without taking any responsibility for the rhetoric they have spread that has cost us those precious lives. The likes of Cindy Sheehan, John Kerry, the Clintons and all the rest like them have poured gasoline on the fires that burn within our enemy's soul. Those who hate this country love to hear liberals squawk because they know the seeds of doubt being tossed at this administration will grow into weeds that will be almost impossible to get under control.

I've turned off the news. Something I should have done a long time ago. When I see one of the talking heads of the liberal camp, I turn the channel. I love my country too much to give ratings to the corporations who sponsor the nonsense that has torn a hole in the very fiber of this nation. All I can do now is pray that more and more of these seeds fall on barren soil and we can somehow salvage what is left of our credibility and honor, because it's clear that the liberals will fight to the death to see that we lose as many lives as possible and ultimately lose the war. It's always their agenda to be "right" - whatever the cost. Unfortunately, those of us who love our country allowed our optimism and hope to blind us to the real war. There's a civil war going on, alright....and all one must do to watch it is turn on the television.


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